Anyone remember a few days ago when i said some joke about giving myself an ulcer or a stroke?? Yeah we'll guess who just got out of the hospital? ^^;
Yeah, Saturday I was hospitalized for the first time since I was a kid. ^^;
I woke up not feeling well, the only way to describe what I felt was that my body felt really heavy yet I felt light headed at the same time, I thought maybe it was because I hadn't been sleeping well and thought also maybe it just meant I'd be getting a headache later. So I took a shower hoping it'd make me feel better, but no avail. It then occurred to me that I had felt similar a while back when I went in for a teeth cleaning, and the dentist took my blood pressure and told me it was kinda high, and advised me to start taking it regularly and if I get similar numbers to goo in a see a doctor asap, especially since I'm only 25. SO of course I didn't make a doctor's appt and figured it was nothing.. then yesterday happened.
Remembering the dentist incident, I had my mom take my blood pressure and sure enough it was a little high, 124/91 (the bottom number should be in the 70's or 80's to be considered normal). So I just try ot take it easy all day, but as time goes by I just start to feel worse and worse. I get a migraine, which makes my stomach upset, and the acid builds up and starts causing chest pains and shortness of breath, and I'm growing more and more unsettled the worse I feel.. it's like a horrible domino effect. Chibi comes over and we're watching The Swan Princess, and during it my ears start ringing because my head is hurting so bad, and I remember my mom saying her ears ring when her blood pressure gets high too. So I have my mom take my blood pressure again, and it's jumped to 141/95. And to top it off, I just REALLY DON'T FEEL GOOD.
Cue panic/anxiety attack.
I just start sobbing and try to slow myself down, but I'm all but I was already having trouble breathing so now I'm all but hyperventilating and my parents decide it's hospital time. Chibi is trying to calm me down, I'M trying to me down, and we pile into the car and go.
I fill out forms in the hospital and try not to break down in the waiting room. I get called back by a nurse where she asks me some questions and takes my vitals... my blood pressure went up yet again, now it's 159/97. I get tagged and made to wait a bit longer, called back to fill out more forms, then finally taken into the ER. I gown up and I get to answer the same questions 50 thousand times to different nurses and doctors, while they put an IV in me and poke me 20 thousand more times trying to find a vein to give blood (I was joking saying that i had stingy veins, needed all the blood i could get lol), and run an EKG (basically monitors your heartbeat) on me. They then hook me up to a machine that monitors my heart rate and takes my blood pressure every 15 mins. I look like someone out of Ghost in the Shell at this point with all the wires coming out of me, lol.
My EKG comes back abnormal, and the paramedic that took it looked concerned and asked "Have you ever been told you have an irregular EKG?" to which I answered yes, because I had been to a doctor before for my chest pains and they ran a gauntlet of tests on my heart and determined my abnormal EKG was a normal abnormality, for me at least, and the chest pain was most likely acid from my stomach that had gotten trapped in my esophagus, like acid reflux, probably caused by stress. So yeah they decide they're gunna keep me overnight so they can run a second series of EKGs and other tests the next morning to see if the results change at all. They also want to X-Ray my chest and all that. The doctors though are all really concerned because of my age and all of the symptoms, and one tells me even "We're fairly certain you're not having a heart attack, but we can't be sure until we get results back from the blood tests." to which I laughed and started crying simultaneously lol. It was all just surreal.
I told them too a lot of the symptoms I was currently having, minus the blood pressure, I had been told were stress related, including the chest pains and chest pressure and all that, AND that I had been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder which was most likely magnifying things since I was in the midst of a panic attack anyway. They took all that into consideration but were still pretty concerned, and they seemed kinda taken a back after they asked if I had been prescribed any medication to take DURING an attack to calm me down and I said no. But yeah I was fighting back the attack really hard, even though my mom had said to just let go and cry I didn't want to lose it. I think I freaked out the poor X-Ray tech, because when he took me to go take them, he asked me "So what brings you to the hospital" which I laughed cuz it sounded so strange, and I was like "Well I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by." lol.. I told him a little bit why i was there and kinda just trying to be jovial... then he had me wait alone in a room while he checked to make sure the X-Rays came out, and when I didn't have anything to distract me anymore I just started crying. ^^; I tried to be sly about it but I think he totally saw, cuz when he came back he was like "They came out perfect, ah you did great! :D ;;; " I was just like "Awesome, thank you. :'D" And when we got back to my room he just told me quietly "Good luck and God bless." and again I sniffled a "Ok thanks :'D" Yeah I was a mess lol...
Chibi called her mom, my sister, to come get her so she and my mom could take shifts staying with me ( again I FAIL because they asked if I wanted them to stay, i said "no go ahead and go home, I'll be fine." and even as the words came out of my mouth I started crying lol.. suck.. ), and of course my wonderful sister tells her "i'm already in bed, call someone else for a ride" -_- She later said she didn't even remember her calling her, that she was half asleep, but still I've been half asleep and gotten a phone call saying "So-and-so is in the hospital" and i wake up right quick. >:( ANYWAY.. our friend Alex had to pick up Chibi, and my mom stayed.
The nurse came in and gave me a pill that was supposed to calm me down/put me to sleep.. but because my body is like anti-sedative I didn't feel anything until like 5 hours later. In the meantime I just babbled to my poor mom, because I was desperate to keep my mind+mouth busy so I wouldn't fall to the panic attack. Tho I cried a lot anyway while talking to her, mostly when I was talking about Dash, our dog we recently had to put down. LoL at one point the nurse came in and was like "WTH You're still awake?! You know it's like 4 a.m., you CAN go to sleep." and I just laughed and told her how I have to take two types of sleeping pills to get any sleep normally, so she shouldn't be surprised to find me there awake even after my mom passes out. But yeah I don't know what time it was when I ran out of things to say and things got quiet... my mom fell asleep and I was trying to myself but every time I closed my eyes I was immediately thrown into some weird dream or nightmare. So I just kept waking up trying to restart to a blank dream... by then I think the pill was finally hitting me, along with my own exhaustion and adrenaline fallout, and I started to hallucinate. Everything in my room was stretching, growing, shrinking, moving in some way... it was only scary when it looked like the ceiling was going to crush me.. I then tried to at least go into a blank meditation state like I had learned forever ago in Tai Chi and in psychology of all classes, and while trying that I finally fell asleep.
Next thing I know, I'm waking up and I'm home. I think "Was it all a dream?" then I look at my arms and see all of the bandages and bruises from all the needles. I call Chibi to ask for my phone, and she asks how I'm feeling and I say I feel disoriented and don't know what's going on.
Cue panic attack.
I only sort of remembered them waking me up and removing all the wires, and telling me something but I was too groggy to focus on the words. I panicked thinking they told me something important about what was wrong with me and I wasn't awake enough to hear and now what. What the hell just happened. Chibi rushes over and they wake up my mom and calm me down and tell me what the dr told my mom. I DIDN'T have a heart attack lol, and my kidneys hadn't taken any damage from my blood pressure. But they weren't able to find out what had caused my blood pressure to not only spike, but jump all over the place as it did all night; whether it was caused by stress perhaps or what had triggered the stress. They said I had to see my normal dr tho ASAP and possibly be put on high blood pressure medicine as well as take a stress test to test my heart I guess. So yeah I have an appt Friday and I'll find out what next then I guess.
I feel mostly ok now, just have been feeling really dizzy/lightheaded and have had my usual headaches and whatnot but not nearly as bad as that day. I don't really know what to expect at the doctors, but I hope they can figure something out because I don't really want to have to rush to the ER every time my blood pressure spikes.
Everyone just hope I really don't end having a stroke, for real this time I guess. XD;
:.music.: Ogata Megumi - Breath